The wonder of the senseless waste
As I walk between love and hate ,
The reasons why I have begun to exist
A little further into the mist.
For all the time I’ve spent alone
Wandering through this barren home,
No voice but the one inside my head
That wonders if I am alive or dead?
All the things I’ve learned to live without
Have been replaced with pain and doubt,
Every line drawn in the sand
A measure of how unimportant I am.
Each and every tiny meager request,
Denied, becomes a little piece of death
So I fade a little more ,
Less heard above the silent roar.
How long I wonder, will I go on?
Losing the thought before wondering too long.
If there is one thing I must confess ,
I’ve never dealt well with loneliness
It’s not of being alone that I speak,
For it is solitude I often seek.
It’s more like being misunderstood
Which does my heart and soul no good,
The feeling of feeling nothing at all
That comes to long from pounding brick walls.
The sensation of being unconnected
Examined and then rejected,
Left to wander here and there
At one with the knowledge that no one cares
Well, at least not deeper than skin deep,
It’s this type of thing that makes me weep
And then rail at God, and Destiny, and Fate
Shaking clenched fist, myself berate.
Gouge at my senseless foolish heart
Rip and tear myself apart,
If the defective part I could only find
No longer would I truly mind,
Like a cancer to be cut away
I would tear it out this very day,
I would cast it out from inside of me
Throw it deep into the sea!
In the magic that the stories weave ,
And I shouldn’t mind that I must roam
Throughout the world with no real home.
If only of course, is only a wish
So I must continue on like this,
Like the sunshine and the rose
I will always be known as one of those
Who secure and loved is in full bloom,
But like the summer is always doomed,
To fade away without the light,
A faint memory of this wretched life.
X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X
You feel lonely even when you have all shit. True Story.
